WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize