I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
