I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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