Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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