peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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