Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
