i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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