You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh god it's open bar.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
