I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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