On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
