I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it was like eating out sand paper
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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