Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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