Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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