I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Randomize
