Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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