My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
