I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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