Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
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