This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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