Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
