i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
