i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
