The maid of honor just puked.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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