glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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