pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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