i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
