Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
