Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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