the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
