I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
