dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
