I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
