he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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