She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
