Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
where am i from again
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I supernannyed him into submission
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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