2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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