Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
