Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
