In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
