the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
