I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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