I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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