my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize