i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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