I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
