first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
