Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
