You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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