I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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