I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
