He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
