I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
