Already got asked if we're dating
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
