Dual....:-)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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