she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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