Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
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Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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