i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
