Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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