Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
